As I lie peacefully in the lap of death, I take last few breaths of my life before I vanish into a deep, unrecoverable slumber forever. The oxygen mask has eventually failed to solve its purpose; the heart beat as shown on the screen in front is dying down, doctor has left my family to spend some final minutes with me. I can see my mother crying, my helpless dad stand in a corner in silence, my hopeful brother whose tearful eyes are still giving me strength and my beloved husband holding my hand as tight as to he will never let me go. I can also see a few other friends and relatives and I feel blessed to have lived a life where I was loved deeply, exorbitantly and unconditionally. This is the time when I am losing the consciousness of my existence and approaching towards the unseen, in darkness. NO, there is so much light there, it’s all lit up bright. I can hear the mellowing voices of my loved ones, their cries, their restless and a fear of losing me forever. Someone has just called the doctor in an optimism that I might survive, if given a couple of more medicines or injections, even though they all know that it’s impossible.
As I close my eyes, so many thoughts wander in my mind. I am pleased to see my near and dear ones with me, what I also feel is the pain of not seeing the ones who mattered to me at some point in life. This journey of life has been full of ups and downs, full of speed breakers and full of excitement. I have found a few and lost many on this voyage. There is so much I am taking with me that has been left unsaid. I always wanted to tell my mother what she meant to me, how dependent I was on her support and love. I wanted to tell my dad that no matter how hard times we have seen, he has always been my hero. I wanted to tell my brother that he has been my best friend and I loved him truly. I wanted to tell my husband that he has been my reason to live. I wanted to say so much to so many people. But it’s too late now. My numb eyes, words and body can’t reach out to hundreds of people who deserved to know my gratitude towards them. My procrastination and the wait for the right time have finally brought me to a stage where, even when I want to, I can’t say anything. I have tears in my eyes and I curse myself for being so ignorant in taking life for granted.
I lose my conscious more and more with every second and I confront the heavens above. It’s a brightly lit place, which has an enormous gate
Voice: Why are you crying my child? Everyone has to see this day and place someday. This is the only truth.
Me: I am crying because I have left so much unsaid, so much unexpressed and so much undone. I always lived with an acceptance that this day will come in my life. I also knew that it would come as a sudden thing; still I didn’t do or say what I wanted to. Can I please have another day, when I can say everything to everyone I want to?
Voice: There are many who come with similar thoughts here and this repentance never leaves them. Every new day you were blessed with, was another chance given to you to fulfill what you couldn’t do the previous day. Every dawn knocked at your doorstep indicating that you have been given one more day to reach out to your loved ones, to apologize, to express love, to be meaningful, to live and to love. It’s funny that no one down there acknowledges this gift that they are given every day.
Me: That’s so true. I kept waiting for tomorrow, in an illusion that I will live till infinity. I want to say ‘sorry’ to some, ‘love you’ to many and ‘thanks’ to numerous. I want to forgive a few, forget a lot and seek forgiveness from several. I want to live one day of my life again. Please can you grant me my wish?
I couldn’t hear the answer as I am shaken by the nurse who has removed the oxygen mask from my face, clearly signaling that my time has come. My family is still crying and I reach out to them through my wet eyes, trying to express all that is buried in my heart. I know I am soon going to be remembered as someone who once existed, my presence will become history and my absence will become memories. Life is too short to wait for the right time, for no one knows when their last day is going to be. I wish we had a time machine that told us our death date, so that we could accomplish all that we want to, say all that’s there deep in our heart and live all that we ever desired.
……And now, I wave my last goodbye and close my eyes forever; the most peaceable sleep ever.
