Diary entry_Sweden_09 Nov’17 15:30_Wish texts had a voice!

What did I answer then?” I asked

Why that tone of authority?” replied a friend of mine.

Even after many years, these words rattle in my mind, with abated frequency though. “Tone of authority…” an intense accusation! I didn’t mean what I was misread and misheard for. Ever since that day, I have so wished that the text messages had a voice that could convey the right tone and flavor in which something is said.

Busy our lives are! The old school ways of keeping in touch with people through meeting and talking are now replaced by text messages. We choose to use chat messengers over everything else. Come on, give it to it. It’s convenient and I agree. But incidentally, in the background, it takes away a lot from us. Like many others, I have been at both, the sending and receiving end. And I know how smoggy it feels when you are misunderstood or when you misconstrue.

oh, I didn’t mean to say this”.. “You are taking it in a wrong direction” etc. etc. It’s funny to think that the aeons old saying “words once spoken cannot be taken back” should now be rephrased as “words once typed and sent cannot be taken back”.

Some days ago, I received a text from a friend that said “you are sooooooo wrong!” and this sentence was followed by two smileys like this 🙂 :). I stood muddled – How do I interpret it as? Was it a mere casual mention or something severe? Was she upset or not? It took me a while to ‘assume’ what she meant. And as Benjamin Franklin has said ‘despair ruins some, presumption many’, I preferred to have a dialogue than just live with an ambiguous thought about the situation and myself. Trust me you, it helped! We both laughed at the end of the chat and I had a good sound sleep that night.

I have seen associations getting dismantled, gradually, because, somewhere they couldn’t sustain the digital ways – texts and emails. And I wonder, how much can one express through texts, how much can one write? What about the words that want to mean something but are taken for a different meaning? What about the words that never get a chance to come out only, for not everyone can write what they want to say? I am an old school girl, I believe all problems exist in the absence of a good conversation. So my dear friends, dare to start a vocal dialog that matters because it will be worth it in the end. Sometimes, there’s a lot beyond what our minds can perceive!

Tonight, let me be…!

Let me be myself tonight, my love,

And hear the words flow out.

It has been eons without you,

Tonight, let me live one more time, one last time, one only time!

 

These trees that stand tall have seen many falls,

And they say that no matter what, life goes on.

But deep in their hearts, the trees also remember,

Their beloved leaves that left them last season.

Let me be myself tonight, my love,

And hear the words flow out.

The days have been blank without you,

Tonight, let me live one more time, one last time, one only time!

 

These mountains that smugly look at me, have heard many echoes,

And they convey that no matter what, people will come and go.

But deep in their hearts, there is a voice they can’t forget,

Whose resonance they wish to receive over and over again.

Let me be myself tonight, my love,

And hear the words flow out.

The life has been dead without you,

Tonight, let me live one more time, one last time, one only time!

 

This heart of mine that beats, strokes with pain,

And it utters that no matter what, joys and ache will always be there.

But deep in heart’s heart, it knows there is an agony that can never heal,

For the one who triggered it will never rebound to me.

Let me be myself tonight, my love,

And hear the words flow out.

The highs have been hollow without you,

Tonight, let me live one more time, one last time, one only time!

 

Let me say what you don’t know.

Let me hear what you won’t say.

Let only love set us free,

Let it be only you and me.

 

I know we don’t have a future,

I so wish the past always stayed.

Let me be myself this moment, my love,

And hear all that is buried inside.

The heart is not a graveyard,

And in my soul, we are very much alive.

 

This void is no good,

And so is the distance.

I know what you feel,

For I have known you all my life.

All I ask is for us to be ourselves, tonight, my love,

Let us live one more time, one last time, one only time!!

Sometimes, it’s never enough!!

When beauty & thoughts keep you awake!

Once again, I laugh!! Once again, I admire!! Once again, I learn!!

I laugh at myself, I admire the beauty and I learn another life’s lesson.

I laugh at myself as I stand at the window pane, in middle of the night, observing the still street and staring at this beautiful diamond up in the sky. I admire its unparalleled beauty and wonder how something can look so surreally alluring. I look at myself, I stand dishevelled!! I learn that life is ever changing. In fact, change is a healthy sign of living; yet there are somethings that never change. Tomorrow, today will be a history and today is the future of yesterday. Tonight, this graceful moon shines bright. It is living what seemed to be its future yesterday; tomorrow it will drizzle more and this night will be forgotten as a bygone day. Complicated, but true!!

I realize that life is not about admiring moon from the same window every night. Life is about moving, taking risk, dancing in the rain, walking in the woods, loving someone, smiling for no reason. Life is not about vying for anything with anyone, but running your race at your own pace. It’s ok to stumble, it’s ok to stop, and it’s ok to go slow. What’s not ok is to become a tree; immovable. Also, Life is all about expressing!!

Each morning reminds me that this day, good or bad, will never return in my life; no matter how hard I try. Each night retells that tomorrow I might not be lucky to sleep next to my beloved. Each day prompts that one fine day my story will end, unannounced! So, I choose to be expressive, daily. I choose not to have thwarted visions. I choose to spread joy. Sometimes I choose to cry. I choose to love. I choose to dream. I choose to dance. I choose not to give up. I choose to be crazy. Sometimes, I choose to be childish. I choose to write. I choose to be myself.

In a nutshell, in this ever changing life, what remains unchanged is ME and my values. We all have that one thing that stays with us, unaffected, unaltered and intact. Ever wondered what is it for you?